i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
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