i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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