that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
