you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
