I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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