He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
