why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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