WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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