Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
