I haven't been this sober since birth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
