You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Someone signed my nipple.
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