Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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