If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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