NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
