His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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