She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
