Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
