Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
