How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize