Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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