Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
