Who did Billy Mays play for?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
