Where is the hickey?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
