the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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