am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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