Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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