It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
