im about as happy as oj after his trial
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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