if i can run in heels then i can drive
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
