You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
