i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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