you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how drunk are you?
Several
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
