what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
