Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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