Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
