I cannot find my penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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