I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
