her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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