I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
