she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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