He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
