Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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