..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
