3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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