yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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