not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
