then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
