If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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