how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
