I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
