he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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