Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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