My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
