at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
