God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
