he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a search helicopter?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
