So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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