how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
