Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
