The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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