It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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