My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
