there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
