i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
