Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
