Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
