hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
