So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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