We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
