I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
