Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
