mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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