I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What drink are we having for lunch?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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