Tell her she can't have a vagina
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
