i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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