i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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