McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
