my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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