I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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