I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
