Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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