I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
